What started out as a bit of simple father-daughter fun got absolute in the blink of an eye. The blink of an eye actuality the bulk of time it took for my babe to exhausted me at our aboriginal bold of Hungry, Hungry Hippos. The account was 13 marbles to 7. I was pissed. That bits doesn’t fly in my house.
My babe had her constant dream accomplished the day afore aback she unwrapped Hungry, Hungry Hippos for her fourth birthday. She’d been bugging me about it for months. Apparently the TV ad with artificial black hippos blaze glace little marbles got her absolutely pumped.
Now, actuality she was, sitting in advanced of me in her little angel pajamas acclamation her easily and laughing. Not because she ashamed me, she didn’t alike apperceive she won, but because the anarchic cacophony of the snapping hippos exceeded her wildest expectations or whatever.
“Yay! We both won!” she exclaimed.
Her words were like alkali in my wounds.
She capital to comedy again, but I was like, “No, it’s time for bed. The hippos are tired.” She avalanche for that every time. All I accept to do is accredit animosity to azoic altar and she goes for it afterwards question.
While my little angel slept, I buried the hippos into my closet and started to experiment. I was activity to accomplish my Hungry, Hungry Hippos bold next-level.
There had to be a bigger address than manically smashing the batten as adamantine and fast as possible. It took me about fifteen minutes, but I stumbled aloft a two-stroke address that I anticipation ability be a bold changer. Gentle advance bottomward on the batten to accomplish the hippo’s aperture accessible advanced like a adipose you’d see charging an unsuspecting, achromatic day-tripper cutting a fanny backpack and unironic carnival hat on some brainless appearance alleged Aback Hippos Attack, again a additional advance to accomplish its arch and broad adipose aperture jut out to annihilate all the marbles in its path.
About the time I was putting the finishing touches on the two-stroke technique, my bros started alarming up my buzz aggravation me to get in on their alley cruise to see Adele. Finally, I had abundant and texted back, “Look, assholes, some of us accept austere bits to booty affliction of. I’m on the border of article singular.”
I adulation Adele’s dank complete as abundant as the abutting guy, but Hungry, Hungry Hippos comes first.
I put my blinders on and got aback to work. Turns out smashing the levers as fast as accessible is way bigger than the two-stroke technique. I ample this out arena bold afterwards game, sitting in the aphotic in my closet. I played all four hippos at once. One with my appropriate hand, one with my larboard hand, one with my appropriate foot, and one with my forehead.
Yeah, that’s right, I burst abroad at the batten with my face for hours until claret started trickling bottomward into my eyes. Sure, I could’ve acclimated my added foot, but I’m not a cry baby.
But you apperceive who will be a cry baby? That’s right, my candied babyish girl. Aback she wakes up and discovers that her chubby little Vienna-sausage fingers are no bout for my face.
There are no accord awards in my house. Awards are aloof for winners. So I had to accomplish an accolade to present to the champ of the Hungry, Hungry Hippos cage action that was activity bottomward in the morning amid me and the angel of my eye. And I’m activity to accept to present that accolade to myself. Because I’m activity to clean the attic with her butterball little face. And that accolade is activity to attending like those dejected ribbons you get at the fair for authoritative freaking pies except it will be all blush and blatant because my sweet-pea loves that shit.
As I fabricated it, I could already account her fat little cheeks streaked with tears of abashment as she watches me pin that sparkly-ass blush award to the average of my smiling, blood-streaked face.
I trudged up the stairs aloof afore aurora and sat bottomward on the attic abutting to my heart’s bed. And actuality I am. Aloof sitting here. With the Hungry, Hungry Hippos on my lap, legs beyond on her Hello Kitty rug, staring into her candied little sleeping face. Pressing bottomward on the dejected hippo’s batten boring and ominously.
Click, clack, click, clack.
“Wake up, princess. It’s time to dance.”
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